It’s every one’s dream to marry their best friend. Someone that lights up your life and someone who “thinks the sun shines out your ass.” I knew at a young age, that I wanted my life to be different than my parents, who divorced when I was six. I wanted to have a relationship with someone who we shared mutual respect for and unconditional love and affection. This is why I married my best friend. This coming Sunday, we will have been married for 7 years. 7 rollercoaster years of both happiness and unhappiness. No relationship is like a fairy tale. There are hard times and good times. It’s unrealistic to think that you will LIKE the person you chose to be with for your lifetime. The important thing is to make sure you have more good than hard. Through all the tough times, there has been MANY, MANY amazing and fun times with my spouse. I’m grateful that the great outweigh the not so good.
After becoming a parent, things changed, like they do. No longer was it just me and my husband and trying to balance our lives together. We now had another beautiful being created from each of us for which we were completely in love with and responsible for. This was something that we had longed for and something we prepared for as much as anyone can. We were together about 4 1/2 years before we married and we waited another 3 before we decided it was time to start a family. Never, did I think that child rearing would take such a toll on us. We were the couple our friends and family were jealous of because of our closeness and the love and affection we shared. Not that I want(ed) anyone to be jealous of us, I did always hope that our relationship was something that people felt inspired to attain. Our relationship was one that I hoped and wished everyone would have. If someone is unhappy in a relationship and have tried everything possible to save it, that’s great, but if not, move on. You’re happiness and health depend on having a healthy relationship.
Recently, I woke up thinking, this “relationship” we have has to change. I can no longer go through the motions of pretending we are married, because it started to feel like we were roommates that sometimes hung out or were intimate with. I missed the closeness and affection that we used to have. So, we did something about it. What, you , may be thinking? We sat down and talked. I mean, really talked. Everyone knows and says communication is the key to a strong relationship, yet this was something that had been slipping by, other than the random event that our daughter did/experienced or politics or how annoying work was today. Other than our talk of our daughter, I felt like everything had turned sour, negative.
Well, like I said, I wasn’t okay with this anymore. Don’t get me wrong, it never got bad enough to call it quits, but it wasn’t the relationship I had dreamed of, how it was before kids. I’m not saying my husband was the sole perpetrator, I was equally at fault and equally to blame from my actions. We have talked about our relationship off and on, but it wasn’t until I talked with MY Health Coach, that she helped me come up with some great questions, which we discussed last night. We both feel more at ease and full of hope that our marriage will only go from good to absolutely fricken epic-ly amazing from here on out, because we discussed what is important for us and what we each need to do to become that couple people would aspire to and more important, what we aspire to. We made sure our dreams for our future are known.
Here are the questions:
1. What is your vision for our relationship? What would your ideal relationship with me look like? How would we interact, what would we do, what would it look like? Dream big!
2. What do we need to do in order to create that kind of a relationship with each-other? In other words, what are some practical ways, day to day, that I can build you up and light up your life and we can start working toward that vision?
3. What are some aspects in our relationship that you are willing to take initiative for and work on? What should our plan be for taking us toward that vision?
Not only, did the questions help us look toward our future and help us create action steps to get there, it allowed all of the stuff that was creating a space between us come out. This is so important! Along with some goals we have created, we decided to do some marriage challenges every day for 45 days. I found some cool ideas on Pinterest and will make up our own from them.
Now, This morning, my mom will be takour daughter for a long weekend so we can reconnect with each other. Fall in love with each other all over again and start repairing our foundation of our relationship again, so we can not only have a healthy relationship for one another, but for our daughter and future child as well.
So here’s to my amazing husband and father to our child and future kiddo. Thank you for your patience and love. Thank you for loving me through the thick and thin. Thank you for your hard work and your commitment to me and our family. Thank you for your sense of humor, even when things are gloom. Thank you for all of the beautiful memories we have created and the ones that will come in our long future together. I love that you are so loving and patient and caring and open to all of the things that matter to me. Thank you for growing with me and thank you for showing me how to be a better person. I love you forever and ever! Since our big talk, I’ve started falling in love with you all over again.