I’ve never really thought of myself as controlling, but with parenting a 3-year-old, and for a few other things that have come to light recently, I’ve realized that I… kind of am… As much as I hate owning it, it’s the truth. I thought control seemed to work well for me. When I “control” or plan to the T, then I’m prepared for what is to come and things run much more smooth. That’s not the truth though because planning and controlling are two different things. I mean, yes you should plan what you can, but for me I would start to obsess about how to get to where I needed so much that it was driving me crazy… and my loved ones. After reading this amazing post from cancer survivor, Kris Carr I put 2 and 2 together and finally came to the realization that I need to learn to let go and let the universe/God or whatever higher power, know that I trust in the process. There are things that you can’t control no matter how hard you try. The more you push, the more you’re pushing people/things away from you. Kind of a self-sabotage.
Now, this isn’t going to be easy, but it is do-able. Plus, the alternative is creating more havoc, anxiety, sleeplessness, etc. in my life and it’s really hurting myself and those around me. I mean think about it, when you are trying to negotiate with a toddler they have a very under developed prefrontal cortex, which can create BIG emotions and reactions that seem outrageous to adults. The key to remember is that they are small and not fully developed and it’s not their fault. Thinking that I can control every situation with my little one isn’t realistic. What is, is seeing them where they are at a difficult moment and letting them know they are safe and loved, which includes them knowing their boundaries.
You can plan and plan for the best intentions and dream big, but the universe/God really knows what you’re meant to do. Look at our adoption, for example. This was something I swore I would do in my life, and who knows maybe some day I will, but for now it wasn’t the right time. We kept planning and pushing and it just wasn’t working. That, on top of having a huge weight lift off mine and my husbands shoulders after we officially decided we were done, confirmed that we made the right decision. It took us a lot longer than we should have realized, but that’s okay.
Are you a person who is constantly trying to control? How do you deal? The article I referenced above, has some tips on letting go, as well as some on the bottom of this post. Another great tool is a book called “Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You” by Patricia Evans. It talks about how and why we are controlling from our past events. It’s really interesting! Do you have any others?