During the last 5 months I’ve been healing more and more hurts from my past. It’s been incredible and although it hasn’t been the easiest road it’s worth it! One of the things I’ve been working on lately is setting boundaries. I’ve hated conflict ever since I can remember. I know there was a point in my life when I was able to speak out against any injustices I felt toward me or others, however, I feel like that was squashed at a young age when kids were supposed to be seen and not heard.
The course I’m taking with Dr. Shefali has been healing things left and right with me and it showed a few weeks ago. I was hanging out with family when we all decided to watch a movie, which is a rarity with my daughter. (we watch family movies on occasion) Well my 4 year old was being loud on the couch and I reminded her, gently, that if she wasn’t able to stay quiet, we wouldn’t be able to watch the movie since we need to be able to hear it. She continued to be loud, so I told her, “okay, well we can all play a game instead.” One of the adults at my house got upset (their inner child came out) and said, “That isn’t fair! Just because she’s being a brat shouldn’t mean none of us get to watch a movie.” I was not happy! I responded, “She’s not a brat! That’s not okay!” This continued for a bit and finally I said, “If you have a problem with how I parent, talk to me. Don’t call my children names, that’s not okay!” I started the movie and left the room and processed the whole scenario. Instead of running to my husband and talking to him about it, I sat with my feelings and processed them. I realized that these were the kinds of things that I heard personally when I grew up and I knew that had an effect on my personality. Telling a child that they are a brat or stupid or to be nice is not an uplifting and supportive thing to say to anyone. If you need help learning how to parent children who grow up confident and ultimately thrive I really urge you to check out The Parenting Junkie.
My daughter watched the whole thing go down so later I reminded her that she isn’t a brat and some people feel like it’s okay to talk to others in this way, when it’s not. I reminded my daughter that some people have very strong emotions and opinions and that doesn’t mean that anything they say is true. Instead, these people are really hurting inside and are unsure of how to process these feelings and do or say things that are hurtful. Deep down know that it doesn’t matter what others really think of you, it matters how you feel about yourself. I’m grateful when I have the opportunity to teach my kids about real world scenarios like this.
I’m not telling you this story to get arise out of anyone. My intention for this story is to inspire you to stick up for what you believe and stick up for others who don’t feel like they have a voice. I’ve been around this person and there are no hard feelings (that I know of) and now they know that this is a boundary that I have set. It’s a boundary I will continue to set and has inspired me to set more healthy boundaries for myself and others who need help.
Do you have boundary setting issues? If so, what are the hardest ones for you to set?