Love and acceptance

Imagine waking up hours before you’re alarm, looking at the clock dreading 8am when you’re supposed to be on at your job (or school). You love what you do, however, you don’t feel completely comfortable around you’re peers. You feel a little ostracized about the way you choose to live your life so people just don’t get you. I feel a little like this sometimes because of the way I eat. But think about the people who are living a double persona. I mean we all kind of do this in certain ways. We close off little bits of our self because we are afraid of the reaction of our peers.
What if we were so afraid that we couldn’t completely be honest even to our self? I think of the people who are told growing up that loving a certain person is wrong, yet for some reason they do. You can’t chose who you love, you just do. Thankfully it’s becoming more accepted to be able to embrace these honest feelings but we have a long way to come still.
I remember growing up and people telling me that interracial marriage was wrong. The first time I was told this was when I was probably 4 or 5 and I knew that it was a load of garbage. How could loving someone be wrong!?
Then, I remember being in middle school and when I saw a certain girl, I got butterflies. I knew my parents would freak out if I ever confessed this so I just hid it away. In college I kissed girls who were my friends at parties but it wasn’t until my husband who I am very attracted to and love immensely said he thinks I should explore this more. Maybe some day I will but right now I’m very content with my life and I don’t even know where to start or even if I want to. I’m not super comfortable even writing this because once I hit publish it’s out there. My sister and my best friend are a few of the only other people who know this part of me. Honestly, I don’t know if it means anything but who knows until I try. Who knows if that day will ever come but if and when it does, I shouldn’t care about what others may think. It’s my life and if I’m happy and making other people happy then why that hell should it matter?

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